Sitting in the corner of my dining room with a matchbox in my hand, I was thinking about something. I did not even know about it, or maybe, I knew everything about it, but I still pushed myself to overthink it. Yes, overthink.
Sitting in the corner of a room with a matchbox in my hand, I was deeply immersed in my own thoughts, unaware and perplexed. I jostled up all the depressing forces inside me to overthink, yes overthink a demon! That can kill anyone’s inner conscience, has even killed mine. This thing has killed every one of us, at least once. But let’s be honest, 90% of the time, those thoughts turned out to be accurate, and this high-rated probability has continuously gifted us with Anxiety. Was I overthinking about myself? Was I overthinking about someone else? Or was I overthinking about my mental health? The answer to everything is no. I was overthinking about that matchbox and the 11 matchsticks which it carried. Hilarious? But it was not for me at that moment. My empty but busy brain had already fired 6 of them, now only 5 were left. That’s when my not-so-welcomed gift of “Anxiety” kicked in. Am I going to light these up too? Anxiously, my hands trembled, and I started burning them out too. But this time, I wasn’t wasting them; I was furiously watching them burn until that flame reached the tip of my fingers, and with each passing second, I started panicking about my finger, but my brain wasn’t ready to drop the stick. All the low moments I had had in the past few months flashed before my eyes; very quietly and quickly, my brain played along and there I was, in my panic attack. Everything happened within a few seconds, from lighting up the matchstick to dropping it off.
That’s what this journey is all about. Yes, it requires only 5 seconds to drown yourself in the trauma. But you cannot be sure that moving out of that attack will be as easy for you as dropping off the matchstick. Your traumatic past may jump in immediately, but it won’t leave you alone that easily. The last matchstick which I had in my box did light up smoothly but this time it was not burning me. Maybe I burnt my past with the second last one, and that’s what we need to do, light up another matchstick until we find our second last matchstick. Concentrate your hopes upon this beautiful optimistic thought – “This matchstick is going to burn rapidly and I need to drop it off before it hurts me. The same way in which I am going to drop my past off, accept the reality and move on with a new approach before the past hurts me again.”
And the day’s going to be there, sooner or later, when you find your peace again. Your matchstick will burn, but not you this time.
“वक़्त को वक़्त दो, वक़्त खुद सम्भल जाएगा… बुरा है वक़्त अभी पर वक़्त खुद ही सुधर जाएगा…”
(Give time some time, it will take care of itself… It is bad now but eventually it will get better…)